Lesson 1:

A sales rep, an administration clerk, and their manager were walking to lunch together when they saw an old oil lamp outside an antiques shop.

They each rub it in turn and a Genie comes out. The Genie says, ‘I’ll give each of you just one wish.’

‘Me first! Me first!’ says the admin clerk. ‘I want to be in the Bahamas , driving a speedboat, without a care in the world.’

Puff! and she’s gone.

‘Me next! Me next!’ says the sales rep. ‘I want to be in Hawaii, relaxing on the beach with my personal masseuse, an endless supply of Pina Coladas and I’m with the love of my life.’

PUFF and he’s gone.

‘OK, you’re up,’ the Genie says to the manager.

The manager says, ‘I want those two back in the office straight after lunch.’

Moral of the story:

Always let your boss have the first say.

Lesson 2:

An eagle was sitting on a tree resting, doing nothing.

A small rabbit saw the eagle and asked him, ‘Can I also sit like you and do nothing?’

The eagle answered: ‘Sure, why not.’

So, the rabbit sat on the ground below the eagle and rested.

All of a sudden, a fox appeared, jumped on the rabbit and ate it.

Moral of the story:

To be sitting and doing nothing, you must be sitting very, very high up.

Lesson 3:

A turkey was chatting with a bull. ‘I would love to be able to get to the top of that tree’ sighed the turkey, ‘but I haven’t got the energy.’ 

‘Well, why don’t you nibble on some of my droppings?’ replied the bull. ‘They’re packed with nutrients.’

The turkey pecked at a lump of dung, and found it actually gave him enough strength to reach the lowest branch of the tree.

The next day, after eating some more dung, he reached the second branch.

Finally after a fourth night, the turkey was proudly perched at the top of the tree.

He was promptly spotted by a farmer, who shot him out of the tree.

Moral of the story:

Bullshit might get you to the top, but it won’t keep you there..

Lesson 4:

A little bird was flying out of the snow country to spend the winter in a warmer climate. But it was so cold the bird froze and fell to the ground, landing  into a large field.

While he was lying there, a cow came by and dropped its cow shit. A whole cowpat landed on the frozen bird.

As the frozen bird lay there in the pile of cow dung, he began to realise how warm he now was.

The dung was actually thawing him out!

He lay there all warm and happy, and soon began to sing for joy.

A passing cat heard the bird singing and came to investigate.

Following the sound, the cat discovered the bird under the pile of cow dung, promptly dug him out, and ate him.

Moral of the story:

  • When you’ve got a major journey to make, leave early enough.
  • Not everyone who shits on you is your enemy.
  • Not everyone who gets you out of the poo is your friend.
  • When you’re in deep shit, keep your mouth shut!

Reproduced for educational purposes. If you are interested in expanding your capabilities and setting up your freelancing business, NZIBS has a range of courses that may be suitable.

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